Being Played

I need to spill... here are my two cents about division of labor, valued work and not valued work: It seems that few acknowledge the value of the work women have traditionally done. [cooking and cleaning, raising children, changing diapers...] Most of the things that need to be taken care of before all other work and intellectual pursuits. People are at times paid for this sort of work as Janitors, cheifs, social workers, etc. Most of the work that mothers perform is as challenging and as strenuous in the intellectual realm as any other.

Mothers have served the serious role of social worker for centuries. Makes me think of my grandmother (who happens to be illiterate) - She was one of my best and few confidants growing up. She paid such close attention to the things I said and did, and proved incredibly perceptive to my needs. I was able to talk to her about most aspects of my life though many would assume that our lives and worldviews are radically different. The black female character in the Sound and the Fury reminds me of her- always so calm, always busy doing what she saw needed to be done, while those around her went through their mental traumas and depressions.There are also other black characters in the literature that I've read that remind me of her. The women who during slavery are put in charge of all the slave children to suckle them...

So this woman has served this amazing purpose in my life and in the lives of so many of her children and grand children (7 kids and 24 grandchildren) -- and all, i suppose, so that I could go out into the world with two planted feet; to give me the security that only a sound heart and mind can bring...

Cleaning is a part of life, and its scary that others have a hard time recognizing that. I think chores are good in the sense that they give you something less stressful to focus on . Many people tell me that cooking helps them feel more calm. And as someone whose lived on their own I must say that the skills of cooking and shopping are a must.

So perhaps anyone who doesn't have a well balanced life is missing out. I dont mind cleaning at home, but when I do it ALL , I can't help but feel played.
The way I cope is I pretend I live by myself or I tell myself that if I had an apt all to myself, the I would be doing the same. (of course it would be a whole lot less dirt to deal with)...
Even at work when we have to help maintain the office, my Boss, who is a big human rights activist, stresses that both cleaning and writing proposals are types of work. I try not to degrade what others see as petty and insignificant. Besides its hard to focus on writing proposals non-stop, so breaks to clean coffee mugs, fill the brita, or vacuum are in order.

At home, I find strong advocates for the division of labor. It seems I was born with the innate ability to sweep and mop. Its true that you can only appreciate the work of another when you've had to do it yourself.

Its funny because I think this lack of balance is regrettable. It makes me chuckle to think of my grandfather throwing a fit because everyone at home is going out for the afternoon- "Wait! Whose going to take care of me?" just because he's so used to having someone else put his bread in the toaster for him. Sometimes, I think I can buy into this folklore of where I belong and what I should be doing because it helps me be a coward. I can be a nobody stuck in my own little bubble without having to worry about what goes on in the rest of the world. Am I being denied from pleasure, opportunity, and experience, or saved from undue burdens?

"I don't have to contribute:" translates into "I don't have anything to contribute", and maybe I like it that way. It's the easy way out. I can wash pots for the rest of my life and Do things instead of having to think about things. I can be a zombee, and be perfectly content. I feel that way sometimes about kungfu. I can just relax and have fun-- assert myself in a different way and watch myself grow. I want to swim because underwater I can leave all my petty problems on the tiles.
There is a catch to this shutting off mentality. Just because your not paying attention to whats around you, doesn't mean your surroundings wont affect you. Shutting off doesn't make for being good mothers either. [and being a good mother comes second to being a good humanbeing/muslim in my book] Not being a part of the world your child lives in, only makes you irrelevant. Everyone has a stake in society, but who will take heed and assume the responsibility of vicegerant? Who will think outside of their homes and themselves?

Is it our responsibilty as Muslims?
only as men?

Some do not have the luxury or the burden of participation. They are too poor and too busy. Others are amply denied it for no other reason then the limiting mentalities/cultures of their families and even themselves.

What is life?
cooking
cleaning
family
friends
work